i wonder why it is

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Oh.. I do love you,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh.,..
Your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands

Life update

Ok yeah so update on my life lol. Not much new really same old same. Still trying to get you know what and my wifey is having a really hard time with it. :( its so hard to see her this way. first off just hurting and second just sad and upset all the time. I hate it. I wish I could do something but there doesn't seem to be anything I can. I love her tons its just so hard to see her sad all the time. :( i hope we get prego soon. Its hard cause sometimes it makes me wonder if she really just wants a baby or if she wants a baby with me. I know that its the latter but sometimes it doesn't seem that way.

Workwise it's been pretty slow which has been nice. I'm sure it will pick up some more soon but i'm enjoying the easy days for now. Its kinda been giving me time to think about some ideas and stuff that i've been wanting to spend time with and what not. I used to do personal projects all the time and work on stuff and create art and whatnot but I've not really been doing that much for pretty much the last 2-3 years lol which kinda sucks and I miss it. So I've been tossing some ideas around in my head about maybe creating a short film or something not sure yet. But I hope to be able to start doing more of my own art work and to be able to express my personal creativity more than I have been. I've got like at least 5 feature films I'd like to do and maybe this could be a way into doing something like that........

Anyways i'm going to get back to work. Not a whole lot to do but oh well it'll give me some time to think about a project and my sweet wifey sleepin at home. I hope she gets a good rest and feels better when she wakes up.

I'm bored

We met our deadline for some stuff and am kinda just kicking back and waiting now. I miss my wifey and I wish I was going home. Bla bla. oh well I can't really complain I'm working on feature films so its pretty cool considering lol. Hope this one is good. From what i've seen (which I really can't talk about btw lol) it will be but we will see. Well you know what it's like only 30 mins till I get off..... hmmm wonder if I can slip out before :D oh well guess I'll just watch another video on youtube. Man my job isn't all that bad really hehe. My wifey is sleeping so when I get off maybe I'll run down to the store and get her something. we'll see. anyways I've got to run watch that movie. ttys cheers

And so I sit at work with beer in hand!

you read it right. :) Yep so today has been a bit of a disappointment you might say. It looks like Linds isn't prego which is really sad. I really hope that changes soon. For both of us. And yeah theres a party at work and everyone is downstairs having fun. And I'm up at my desk drinking a beer and missing my wife. I'm kinda sad that she doesn't feel like she can tell me stuff and that she feels alone in this. Cause she's not. I love her tons and wish I could be there for her more. I miss her terribly when I'm away especially when I know she's having a hard time too. Well I better put the beer away before I start crying.

Laters

just some basic updates

So yeah We're in Santa Maria now. I'm working at a special fx company called Cafe FX. Its a cool place so far. Been enjoying our project. I can't say too much about it due to NDAs but it's the based off the Stephen King short story called "The Mist". Should be interesting. The studio is nice and clean and its a good group of people to work with. Its nice to be in a place where I can focus on lighting. I do miss doing more of the advanced scripting that I've been trying to learn. Oh well guess I'll have to do that on my off time lol.

In other news... if you've been reading my wife's blog you will know that we've been trying to take the next step in old age and start on our insurance plan. i.e. Kids :D It's been a bit of a struggle. I really hope and pray that we are prego this time. I hate seeing my wife so sad when she finds out she's not. And I'm pretty bummed too cause I can't work till I'm 80. I need some good kids to take care of me :D but seriously I really would like to be a dad and I know it's hard for Linds too cause I think that's like one of her biggest dreams is to be a mommy. So yeah I just pray that Gods will would be done and that it's his will we be parents soon.

Oh and thirdly I just want to say I have a Freaking AWESOME Wife! She's the best thing that could have happened to me. And to all you guys out there (myself included), take good care of your woman we'd be up **** creek without them.

Laters

Hmmmm idk what to title this lol

I don't know what to say really. I thought everything was going well with this possible job thing...... I got the interview and felt that it went well but they still haven't called me. Could be they found someone else. Then our tax refund came in too which would take care of all the problems that we were worried about when moving out there....... but maybe it's meant for something else. idk I mean yeah I'm sad if it didn't work out cause I know both me and my wife would have loved to go out there but if It's Gods will that we stay here then thats fine I guess. I'm just having a hard time with it I guess lol. I know God's smart and knows the best So i'm just trying to trust him and hope and pray that it's the best thing for us. I don't understand it but maybe sometime I will. Or maybe Im just going crazy lol and they will still call sometime. Who knows. I just pray that the best thing for us will happen. No matter what I want.

A song from the heart

And so it goes

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

For some reason this song touches me. It just reminds me that when you love someone, sometimes that will mean pain and hurt but yet at the end of the day to live without that love (even with the pain) it would indeed be the worst mistake. That even though I know I could be hurt or pained by my lover I still must give her all of my heart in trust because without that trust I know that I would soon lose that love which I hold so dear.

C.S. Lewis says it so well : "Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

I wish I had written this song. I'd dedicate it to my lovely wife. But even though I didn't I still feel this way about you baby. I would trade a life with no pain or hurt for one minute of your love. I'll let you in, I'll love you with all I am and have. I'll give you all of me and you can have this heart to break. I love you.

Corporate Christianity Poop

I don't know just seems to me that corporate Christianity is a problem. It's packaged up into a pretty little gift box and handed to kids from parents who pay way too much $$ and way too little attention to the messages that are being sent out..... Let me try to explain......

Ok I'm a 3d artist working in a company that is producing some Christian shows for kids. And one of the shows is all about how if you pray hard enough God will give you whatever you ask for..... I mean it does have some good stuff in it or whatever but there is a huge over tone of you ask hard enough you get it. the title of the show is even called "Push" as in pushing God to answer you the way you want. Maybe it's just cause of the situation I'm in currently but I know quite well from first hand experience that sometimes no matter how hard you pray you still don't get what you want... You may get what you need and what's best for you but not always what you want. And i just think that companies should be more careful when putting out messages about Christianity and make sure that they don't set kids up for disappointments when they don't get everything they want.

*getting off soap box*

Hey guys

Hey ya'll,

My first blog :D


Cheers